The Art of Not Having Sex
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The Art of Not Having Sex

abstinence-onlyFull disclosure: I have had sex. OK, let’s move on.
One of the most intriguing things about New York City’s ecosystem is how sex works in this city. How it’s a currency. I’m not even talking about sex workers, bless their hearts. Sex is something you do because you like it a lot or because you just have to do it. You are aware that in the dating dynamic at some point you’re gonna have to put out. I wish I could tell you that you have a choice, but I don’t think that’s true. Now, I’m not saying that anyone is obliged to have sex, quite on the contrary. You should only have sex with people you want to. That being said, if you are out there dating, the “sex thing” is gonna become the “issue thing.” Unless, of course, you are saving yourself for marriage.
I actually don’t know what the game plan is when people hold off sex. Surely you are thinking about it. Of course you already know how this is going to go down. It’s just a matter of when. I do believe girls are better at it than guys, but my numbers could be wrong. They probably are. I can only speak for myself. So, I’m gonna use one of those “in my experience” blanket statement clichés: girls are better at holding off sex.
But, I only say that because I’m terrible at it. Well, until recently.
I have a feeling I lead my life thinking with my cock. Oh, don’t worry, I mean it in a romantic way. At least at first. I can’t say all my decisions were made because of someone I was seeing, but there was certainly an impact caused by them. So, I decided to stop doing it. I’m not changing for a girl anymore. I’m not stopping smoking for anyone. I’m not watching another cheesy CW drama because of a girl. I’m not choosing which high school I’d go to please you. ENOUGH! And is enough.
And so I did it. I learned how to stop worrying and love the bomb. I’m in control. Turns out, that’s not so great. To have control. In my case, I just stop texting everyone. Booty calls were not answered. Casual flings ceased. Flirty banter died. It was like the switchboard scene on Jerry Maguire where he was receiving dozens of calls and one by one they stopped till there was only Cuba Gooding Jr. making him say, well you have seen the movie. It felt like that. So much action and like flies they dropped from the sky. Leaving me with nothing. Nothing to worry about. Rubenesca loves my clever retort, what should I say next? Nothing. Who can I ask out to see the John Huston fest? No one. Slowly, but surely you walk towards solitude. It can be great if you have friends. It will be a bummer when they ask you if you are seeing anyone. You can try to reason with people, but they won’t understand. A “there’s this girl” tactic will only work for so long. Fake girlfriends are a bad scene. Embrace your sexual ostracism. I love this Seinfeld bit about George Costanza becoming smart for not having sex. I can see it. You have to be really clever to come up with so many excuses to not go after sex; to create this cloak of deception around your peers. It takes a lot of strength to pull that off. Trust me. It’s really hard to not have sex. It gets to a point where you start to wonder: who can I call right now and make amends, so at the end of the month I’ll finally get laid. WHO? One thing I will tell you though, you will not get smarter.
After you go on radio silence you are on your own. You are on another level. You are on the other side of the rejection looking-glass. You have finally achieved acceptance. You have achieved choice. You won’t be anxiously waiting for someone to respond to your text messages or calculating rings trying to find if someone didn’t pick up the phone because they were busy or if they saw your name and just hit ignore. You are free.
Remember, you can always love yourself. There might not be plenty of fish in the sea, but there’s certainly an immeasurable amount of porn and sex toys in it.

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Written by Tag Brum

Tag Brum lives in Brooklyn and writes things from a computer whenever wi-fi is available.
You can follow him on Twitter @tagbrum.

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