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Hipster Date #35: Eve


I tried to hang out with Eve quite a few times, but it seems like it was never meant to be. If you are a gullible prick, like I am, you know this is true. Having said that, she’s just too delicious looking to throw away all the possibilities. I know, I’m accepting wisdom from my less important head. I know, I’m totally objectifying her. But now and again that’s OK.

But this is not the point. What really attracted me to Eve was the fact that she is crazy creative and that she can drink more than I can. And we’re not talking PBR here. She has a system.

It was hard to tell if she was having a good time or not, ‘cause she kept making observations about the bar we were in, but not because I picked it, just because there were no people there. It was a Wednesday. And it was empty. How ironic.

But the one thing that kept me interested in her was the fact that she was Neozelandian. Can barely use that word. And the fact that I kept making comments about famous Neo Zealand people like Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman, Russell Crowe and the Australian Crawl. Then the boys light up. Then the boys light up. Then the boys light up. Light up. Light up.  Well, turns out, they’re not from Neo Zealand. Flight of the Conchords is. I don’t have a system.

I was trying to convince her that it’s even cooler to watch American Idol than the opposite. My point is, if you’re the only person doing it, then you’re cool, because your friends have no idea what you are talking about. On the other hand, if your parents are doing it, or even worse, your little sister, then no, it’s not cool. So, pick your pony. I’d go with Ax Men or whatever is on the History Channel. I mean, not having a TV and preaching about NPR is so last decade and you know, the thing now is the 90’s. I told her she should watch Captain Planet reruns. Dude has a mullet and a hi top, can’t beat that. He’s kinda like the Al Gore of the early 90’s, you know, except that he flies and hangs out with kids with lame super powers.

Name: Eve
Relationships: Single
From: Neo Zealand
Body type: Petit
Personality: Super sweet
Funny: Black belt in sarcasm
Job: Fashion Designer
Drink: She has a system
Make Out Skills: Slinky
Hipsterity: Intermediary

What do you think?

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Written by Tag Brum

Tag Brum lives in Brooklyn and writes things from a computer whenever wi-fi is available.
You can follow him on Twitter @tagbrum.

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