Enjoy this week’s best Tweets. Sure they’re old and stale since they’re a couple days old, but now they can be considered vintage!! #VintageTweets!!
Edward Scissorhands was beaten mercilessly by the school bully, Edward Rockhands
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) July 10, 2012
When life gives you lemons, continue waiting for a man to come along and validate your existence!
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) July 13, 2012
I wish I could get bitten by a radioactive confident person.
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) June 29, 2012
Just performed for a bunch of 12-year-old campers. I went between pizza and ice cream. Pizza opened strong, I did OK, ice cream KILLED.
— Adam Newman (@Adam_Newman) July 12, 2012
I heard the REAL reason Tom Cruise broke up with Katie Holmes was because her vagina looked too much like “not a dick”.
— nick vatterott (@nickvatterott) July 13, 2012
You had me at “Welcome to Cinnabon, sir.”
— J.D. Durkin (@jddurkin) July 13, 2012
Hey ghetto guy, maybe if you said something like, “Damn, girl, you smart and witty and makin’ brave steps in therapy” instead, I’d consider.
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) July 8, 2012